#like idk just bc i can do something doesnt mean i want to or that i should idk thats just MY opinion abt MY life

[greatgoddyke]

time to make your choice only you can be the one

[arainaizevran]

i also think some people's portrayal of act 3 shadowheart is making her too nice, uwu smol bean who loves animals or whatever. like yes, that's part of her "new" self, but that is also not all of it. and it's so boring when people make that her entire personality. her act 3 romance scene has her still being playful and teasing like in her act 1 romance scene. some parts of her act 1 self is still in act 3, and even if you say that her "meanness" or "snark" is because of her upbringing in shar's doctrine, you don't just unlearn that behaviour overnight.

[applejongho]

dunno how to articulate my thoughts without sounding mean but i'll try my best; it's so exciting when jh tries a new color and it's also exciting when he also seems to be enjoying it, but i think a problem in fandom culture in general is that need to have ownership over your [thing you like], in this case, jh, a real person. like you can be sad that jh is losing or toning down his purple hair because it was a good color and he looks good, but also at the end of the day it's his hair on his head and what he wants to do w his hair is his business only.

i say this because jh said in the latest radio station that he is going to tone down his purple hair in a few days, not because he doesnt like the color, but because his hair grows outward, a common thing that happens with your hair when you are of asian or hispanic descent. he needs down perms to literally "put down" the hair instead of it sticking straight out of his head. and down perms can fuck with the color if it's dyed.

so with this in mind, jh keeps his hair "boring" and black because he would rather his hair not be sticking straight out of his head and he doesnt want to sacrifice more time at the salon for color correction when it can just be his natural color. and thats really valid of him, just as it's valid of any other member or kpop idol to constantly dye their hair. it's his choice just like theirs and fans should respect his choice more.

[lord-squiggletits]

The Slope by @megatron-fucks provides a great scene where Pharma gets to blow up on Ratchet about how he lost everything good in his life and faced a fate worse than death so Ratchet has no right to judge him.

But you know what else I really want to see and might write myself?

I want a post-Delphi scene where Pharma gets to verbally rip Ratchet apart about how he disowned Pharma and is acting as if the 'new Pharma' is a completely different person, but in reality Ratchet is just desperate to convince himself that Pharma was always a bad apple and the "best friend" Ratchet knew was either a lie or a person who's "died." Basically Pharma getting to lambast Ratchet about how 'the person he used to be' isn't some separate entity, that the old Pharma LITERALLY IS HIM and it's Ratchet who's a piece of shit for being unable to reconcile that Pharma could be his former best friend and also the monster he ended up becoming.

Mostly in regards to the aspect of canon where despite being former best friends, Ratchet made basically zero efforts to have any sympathy for Pharma or extend help/mercy to him and mostly used their former friendship to prey on Pharma's insecurities to manipulate him into doing what he wanted.

Of course it's a narration by Pharma so it might not be 100% correct or unbiased, but like. I just desperately crave some sort of resolution between Ratchet and Pharma. Or if not a resolution, at least some catharsis where Pharma gets to unload and Ratchet acknowledges he was a bastard.

[jinstronaut]

this is also why i stopped using my tracked tag for a while tbh

[isa-ah]

on the one hand i want to try for a second wind to stay up and get really into something but on the other hand im sleepy and im pretty sure my husband went to bed without me so i honestly might as well

[pleasedontcareaboutme]

i think i finally realized why ive been feeling so damn depressed lately again

sorry for writing this here. im really hurting actually. im not good. i feel a bit helpless too. idk who to talk to bc i dont want to burden anyons and i donf feel like anything could console me right now

Like. fuck me man. thanks for saving me but. why the hell are you not here. i dont want to do this without you. i hate only being able to remember you. i was supposed to grow old with you, not without you.

And. honestly. even with all this bullshit i say here, all the endless times i spend trying to write down my feelings, abt you, about all the pain ive felt my life, it doesnt get better. not at all. and no words, no poetry takes it away and i truly feel like nobody will ever truly understand how suffocated i felt all my life.

and i want to change thanks to you but. i dont know. nothing's satisfying enough.

no matter what, i truly only feel great when im in that daydream like world you created.

and these past days ive been thinking a lot that. i really wouldnt mind dying right now. not at all. because at least i know what happiness feels like. and i want to stay in that state. probably, even in this life your music will bring me happiness, but i want to be trapped in it.

im tired of being so unseen, and even when im seen, im hurting. but i dont know whats hurting. i think im just really tired thats all.

and. ye. i feel brave tbh. i still havent posted my video to instagram, bc im not brave for that. i dont know. and i feel like a hypocrite bc everything is true that i wrote there but at the same time these are my thoughts currently

in a long while i looked up suicide methods again. i feel so hopeful, but im not really sure if really for the future. jm sorry this is probably alarming. i will probably not kill myself but. idk. im not sure actually. i dknt know what to say. i wasnt cut out for this wordly shit.i feel unlovable but even if im loved, i donf want to be. i dont want anything. just let me stsy in this quiet place snd just. disappear. i wouldnt want my family to hurt if i die but i wont know about it anyways. idk man. i feel strongly i could die calmly this time and thats nice. bc 6 years ago i was terrified, and hurt. but now im content and kind of ready idk man. its not a terrible feeling, its a "this is it, it was nice while it lasted" ig.

there are no clouds in my head actually. i truly dont feel like im thinking irrationally, i feel like this would just be like. the end goal i was looking for. to feel true love once. it was nice.

no goodbye yet bc idk how id kms even if i do. But ill tell u guys if i found something.

[snekdood]

ive been disillusioned with a lot of the left for a while, it's nice to at least see that other ppl see it now, though the reason why kinda fucking sucks.

[coridallasmultipass]

It took me, ugh, MONTHS (2), to get to cleaning the two shrimp tanks I have... I had IRL issues going on that would have made it extremely difficult to do a water change especially while injured, and I just had to keep putting it off. It's just shrimp, so it wasn't like, the worst situation, especially since I have established plants and the tanks are a couple years old. There was just a lot of algae build-up on the glass, and, well... Let me just say it was not contributing to my mental health and well-being while the tanks were in that state.

I tested the water before I started cleaning and the parameters were fine (like, I could have left the tanks even longer if I would be okay with selling my soul to the Algae Collective), and the plants and shrimp look fine, too (I mean, I've obviously been keeping an eye on the tanks bc I sit right next to them). Actually, I'd wager to say that the plants are looking really great (the lilies haven't died off [yet? This is the longest period of time I've seen them stay... foliage... fol... foliated? Idk.] and the cryptocoryne in the 10gal is fucking huge and needs to be rearranged, just not right now). That fucking algae was a motherfucker to get off the 10gal (it's a plastic tank and I think that makes the algae grip harder than the glass 5gal).

[Also, fyi, depending on the tank's needs and stability, recommended water changes are a small one every week or every other week. My parameters don't seem to do anything dramatic, so I usually aim for a 20-30% water change every third week (just depends on how much vacuuming needs to be done and how cooperative the shrimp are with moving aside). So 2 months is still a lot. I still did the normal 30% ish amount, since doing more will risk the shrimp's well-being if there's a sudden change in everything, and my water parameters indicated a change was unnecessary - but I don't test for more than the minimum freshwater tests, so there could be a buildup of some mineral I'm not testing for, which is why the change IS actually necessary regardless of what my test kit says - because these tanks were evaporating a lot in summer, it condenses the minerals added with each water addition, even tho I usually top up with R.O. water.]

My back is fucking killing me lol. It has been killing me since spring when it 'went out' for the first time, and I'm not getting any relief, it sucks. But this had to be done.

The 5gal is looking pretty cloudy still, since the filter was super gunked up and I accidentally spilled gunk back in, so I may need to retest the 5gal parameters tomorrow just to make sure I don't have to do another water change, but it'll probably be fine, right? Shrimp love mulm and detritus. I did give both tanks a big ole algae tab for their trouble, tho. (I need a fuckening dish for the big tank. I really wanna clean off that white quartz rock again, but being white means it's an algae magnet, and it's just gonna go green again after a month or two.)

Anyway, shrimp tax:

I lov thees widdle oange bebies.

Wish I could take better pictures rn, but I am. Like. Dying. My recommendation: never live in an A-frame style room if you have the option. The wall above my tanks is slanted, and NOT fun for my back to bend underneath the wall for maintenance. (My only flat wall in the room is for my TV/PC.) Also, treat your back nicely, in general. I unfortunately have not had the option to treat my back nicely since spring (fall now), because 'when it rains it pours,' and heavy shit that needs to be moved will not move itself. Once I get a few more things in my room in order, I will hopefully be done with the IRL chaos, bc I have Halloween socks to knit, and I'm not putting that off for another year. (I'm still mad that I couldn't make the ones I planned last year. And I found more Halloween yarn I forgot I bought, so I'm gonna try to make multiple socks.) And I just really need to fucking chill and knit and stop having panic attacks and meltdowns.

[freak1demon69]

This is what it feels like being a hex fan sometimes, like its not even a twitter issue (and in a sense its not necessarily an issue, sometimes ppl just wanna have fun n not spout theories n discussion 24/7! I get that!) but i feel like a lot of people r quick to write off aspects of the game and characters and insist that, despite it being a mullinsverse title, it's not that deep/things are surface level

[itsalwaysdark]

bedtime nowww probably ummm today qas not what i wanted it 2 be but its fine. i dont feel negative just a very very very numb day which is almost worse. but only almost 🙏

[hauntingblue]

Justice for jolyne wdym emporio defeated pucci

[weirdlizard26]

so bizarre to me that my love language is apparently recording music for people. how did this even happen

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[imabiscuitinthousandworlds]

you know, unless i ever actually meet a god i think this is the closest i'll ever come to a religious experience

[orcelito]

Ok I got to actually looking at my classes for next semester. Reorganized things a little bit into clear categories. See the thing is, the 3 classes I thought I was gonna choose 2 from? None of them are being taught anymore lol. It's just that my enrollment term is so old, it's showing the old requirements. So I'm choosing 3 classes from the general list of classes, which makes me glad I picked out so many potential ones to choose from!!! So the 3 categories I've sorted these classes into are:

Quality assurance: "six sigma data quality" is the 1st choice, "quality engineering in IT" is 2nd choice

General theory: "policy, regulation, and globalization in IT" is 1st choice, "advanced systems development methodologies" is 2nd choice

Coding/computers: "applied machine learning" is 1st choice, "UNIX administration" is 2nd choice, "front end web coding" is 3rd choice

(Putting commentary under a cut bc it got a lil long)

'Cause how my school does scheduled now, we submit a list of requests & they compile them all and then figure out what classes work best for everyone. And u wanna include multiple options for each class slot in case the first doesn't work out for some reason. So that's why I have 7 choices, despite only needing 3.

As for the actual sections. I wanna make sure that my semester is as well-rounded as possible. I wanna get at least Some kind of coding in, to make sure I get some more practice before leaving. I have applied machine learning listed first for it bc I really know very little about how machine learning works, & with the way the IT field has gone, it's a little inevitable that I'll be working with it some. Best to learn about it now so I know what I'm doing later. But if I can't take that for some reason, I have the UNIX administration which would honestly kind of suck to take, but it'd be useful. And then front end web coding is less generally useful, but could still be a good skill to have.

The policy, regulation, & globalization in IT is one that I think would be very good for me to take. More of a theory class than a tech class, & it's focusing on learning about technology's effects on the world in economic, social, cultural, and ethical dynamics. I already have taken an ethics of IT sort of course so I've got some context for that, but I still think it'd be important to learn more about globalization. If for whatever reason it's not available tho, then another systems development class could be useful.

& then the data quality thing. Six sigma put at priority here bc it's smth ppl always talk about but I just don't know that much about it, outside of how it's supposed to help improve things. By taking this course, I'd also get a certificate in SS, which could only help in job searching I think. Then quality engineering in IT after that, which I don't know that much about but it seemed about in line with the goal of Data Quality stuff.